I-YOUniverse

Our Lady of Guadalupe appearing to Juan Diego

2:09 a.m.

A prayer journal

No trumpets on street corners here. Just notes for a sort of science project.

My father was converted from Catholicism, maybe as a young adult, I think. His oldest sister Margaret led her siblings into the Baptist faith, then reverted. She told me that was because, when a young woman serving as a missionary in a Baptist school in Mexico, she had been accosted by the missionary principal of the school. My mother whispered to my wife in the kitchen that Dad had never been baptized by a Baptist minister. So the font gets pretty murky. (Bottom line: God doesn’t care about who, when, how you’re baptized—only the state of your heart.)

The news tonight was all about the government bailout of Wall Street. A trillion dollars.

Typically, I wake up at night. Tonight I pray mostly for my African friends, although there’s an ominously empty place in my gut;  if I stayed there, I’d wonder, “What are we facing?”

But I do my best gently to focus on my prayer word mercy, short for the Jesus Prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

I’ve got the words of the Rosary down now. I can say it all without reference to the book, except the final prayers “Hail, Holy Queen”; and “Memorare,” which apparently is optional. One of many how to’s is here.

The story of Guadalupe

Ten years after Cortez conquered the Aztecs, a baptized Indian passing the site of a temple to an Aztec earth goddess saw a vision of the dark-skinned Blessed Virgin, who asked him to build a church on the site. The skeptical bishop asked for proof. The Virgin told Diego to fill his tilmo, or blanket, with roses. It was December, not the month for roses. When he emptied them out for the bishop, they found a beautiful image of the Virgin on the tilmo, which now hangs in the basilica on the site. Scientists who examined it report the image is extraordinary and unexplainable. The Virgin of Guadalupe was a primary factor in the evangelization of the Indian peoples of the Americas. A sociologist says Mexico really is a conglomerate of disparate groups united by their love of her.

What really happened?

No one knows. What we have is the story, the original in a native Indian language, and the Spanish bishop’s testimony.

It’s impossible for the scientific mindset to grasp such a tale as any way real. The same science dismisses the incarnation and the resurrection.

So we bracket that discussion, which is like finding the square root of pi.

Back to praying

For two days I’ve been praying the Sorrowful Mysteries: the agony in the garden, the scourging, the crown of thorns, the carrying of the cross, and the crucifixion.

I discovered a web-based radio service Pandora here. So I figure how to get from head to heart is music, right? Ave Maria! Pavarotti, Charlotte Church, Bobby McFerrin.

As I progress, I read the scripture account of the event remembered in the Mystery (for example, of Gethsemane) to begin. Maybe I sing a hymn, like “Into the Woods my Master Went.” Then I say the Our Father, the Hail Marys, and the Glory be.

One set takes about 20 minutes.

During that I put the image above on screen. I grew up in El Paso with those people.

That process gets to my heart.

Today as I prayed for my friend, I said something like, “For the sake of my friend I’m praying the first decade of the Sorrowful Mysteries, the agony in the garden, the spiritual fruit being ‘thy will not mine be done.’ About halfway through or more often, I give myself an oral reminder “For my friends, the agony” etc.

Is it all “vain repetition”—the fatal blow of my childhood faith to this sort of thing. The other was “idolatry.” You heard again and again how the old ladies in Juarez, Mexico, kissed the feet of the statue in the Cathedral. Repetition?

Outcome

I read somewhere that Larry Dossey M.D. began his investigations of prayer by going into his office, shutting the door, and shaking some prayer gourds or something. Well, going into his office and shutting the door sounds like Matthew. I’ve always wanted to approach a surgeon and ask: “I’ve decided to test the validity of surgery. Mind if I cut up on you a bit, see if it works?”

Dossey didn’t know much about the thousands of years of prayer tradition. Neither do most of the rest of us.

I believe myth is to faith what math is to science. So the story of the Aztec earth goddess isn’t surprising or disturbing to me. There are valid questions, though.

You ask your questions when you buy your ticket. Then, you gotta stow them in the overhead bin and buckle up.

Here are some pics. My beloved bought the camera to say TY for my help with a church staff retreat she recently conducted.

On the left is the first real rosary we built together. I like the large Hail Mary beads. They suit my fingers very well. The wire circles we used for the Our Father beads also remind me of the empty center which is the goal, emptiness that God may choose to fill or not. We’ve got a problem with the filament we’re using, however; it doesn’t hold the knot well.

In the center is my first practice strand for the knotted Rosary. Counting the joiner knot, it has 36 knots; three times around yields 108, the usual number of knots or beads for Buddhist prayer. But my friend Jon had the best idea: why not let each knot remind me of a specific sacred or happy moment of life.

On the right are two sets of beads. The small light wood outside is a rosary made for me by Benessa of latinworks. The inside, made by a friend and given to Sandy, is an Anglican rosary (four “weeks” of seven beads, four Our Fathers in the form of a cross, and an Invitatory bead, totaling 33).

Today I’ll pray for the people of the Gulf; those hit hardest by the financial turmoil (not the fat cats); for my friend Jean-Emile Ngue, who recently lost his mentor; and for Sandy, who is completing her second cataract surgery this afternoon. Believe me, those are the most beautiful eyes on the planet. Thanks be to God for God’s loving care and steady hand through the storms.

A bead is a bead, a knot is a knot—what counts is the heart.

I am the ground of your beseeching.

Beseeching is a true and gracious, enduring will of the soul, united and joined to our Lord’s will by the sweet, secret operation of the Holy Spirit.

In what manner and how should we perform our prayers—our will should be turned, rejoicing, into the will of our Lord.

The fruit and the end of our prayer—to be united and like to our Lord in all things.

Julian of Norwich, Showings, Classics of Western Spirituality (Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 1978) pp. 248, 249, 251. from the Fourteenth Revelation, 41st and 42nd chapters.

 3:44 a.m.

Across the living room from my chair at the base of the silent TV screen, a red light stares, the only indication it’s on. The yellow digital readout of the time on the cable box above tells me the cable is off.

Awhile ago Nasha, the younger calico cat, jumped into my lap, purred, massaged the air with her paws; there being no morsel of food forthcoming, departed for a softer, warmer perch.

That did it.

I’d lain there awake for an hour, the small Mexican rosary slung over the fingers of my left hand, saying a fragment of the Jesus prayer “Mercy!” My fingers can’t distinguish the pearl-shaped beads and thick yarn very well on the small rosary. It fits in the palm of my hand.

I strung a larger one with big wood beads that I can feel. It’s the one I use.

The last week or so I’ve been saying the rosary daily, dunning away “Hail, Mary, full of grace….” The best audio on the web I’ve found is here. I prefer the scriptural rosary, which interlaces verses and Hail Marys, in English (although Dutch is available). The scripture version’s a bit longer time-wise, but until this is as automatic as breathing, I want the added biblical basis whenever I can get it. 

 After a beading session last week, when the tail of the beautiful black and gray rosary we’d made came undone, I asked my wife Sandy if she could imagine herself saying contemplative prayer.

“You mean, repeating ‘Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner’ or saying ‘Hail, Mary…’ 100 times? No. Maybe Philippians 4.13 or something.” Though she meant it kindly (and I did ask), I felt alone.

Later I noticed how she disappears for hours into the making of a rosary, as she does other projects. How she sings. Sandy’s a Martha. Her prayers are actions. Pretty consistently. She puts me to shame.

There’s a correspondent with a microphone for dTV on the edge of my consciousness.

—So, John, the Russians and the U.S. are playing the Sharks and the Jets around the world, and you’re what? What’s this about? This praying the rosary, a Catholic prayer to the Virgin Mary. You really believe all that stuff, do you?

—At this point, it’s respect for the people who say it and love it. Also, all religion has a large element of metaphor and poetry. But, in fact, I don’t know what it’s about exactly. All I know is counting prayers goes back into the forgotten past. I understand, when they give an Orthodox monk his prayer rope (which dates from the 3rd century), it’s like his sword to fight Satan. So maybe the beads are the real light saber of the real Jedi knight.

—Maybe it’s bull.

—No, a whole lotta stuff I used to believe is bull. That’s true. This? No, this is the way…

When I stumble, I’ll get right back up. I’ve got several Gold medals in that particular sport.  This longing in my heart for God? It’s for real, for keeps, for good.

William Congdon, crucifix 64, 1973.

webpage here. (I didn’t see permissions policy or copyright notice. I’ll be glad to abide by one if copyright holder lets me know.)

I’m learning to pray using the Catholic Rosary as a “method”—the word John Paul II used to describe the Rosary in his encyclical here. The page I refer to as I say the Rosary is here.

This morning I said the Rosary entire, all 20 mysteries, just to see what it’s like. I don’t know if experimentation takes away from the merit of the thing or not. But I don’t much care about merit, to be blunt. All that stuff about the goodies you get for saying the Rosary demeans it, just from my viewpoint.

I figure I’m a sinner and I’m standin’ in the need o’ prayer—any how any where any time. Especially contemplative prayer.

Growing up I heard lots of people pooh pooh Catholics and ritual prayers. But I noticed that often our Baptist prayers were rote. People said the same words over and over again and again. Only we never thought through what we said, never paid any mind to the beauty or cadence of our words. It wasn’t ritual; it was rut.

Well, no sermons.

One, my fingers are sore after sliding paper clips 200 times through thumb and index finger. It’s a cloudy, rainy day. Arthritis likes to come out and play anyway on such days.

Two, it took one hour, 21 minutes. I’m lucky enough to have that much solitude. Most people don’t.

Three, I did announce each Mystery (event in Jesus’ life) and spiritual fruit prayed for three times, not once, so that I’ll learn them. The unfamiliar ones I read through the description of, which is on the website (above).

I like the pictures. But the people are all white. Not a Middle Eastern complexion among them. So they somewhat hindered my reflection. I had to keep reminding myself that Jesus looked like a terrorist is supposed to look like. The same is true for everyone around him.

Do I feel a deep sense of peace, or of God’s presence? Not particularly.

The thing about ritual is, you gotta put it in place, use it until the edges fray a bit. Then, some day when it’s the last thing on your mind, ka zam!

You feel the Holy Spirit. You’re suddenly on Cloud 9.

However—it’s a big however—the Spirit is there as you’re building the house, there during every boring day, just as fully as the day when the air tingles and your feet don’t touch the ground. Those FX are spiritual cotton candy, lots of fun, but not essential. And every carnivore on the midway, including Satan, has a large display of them.

Nobody was praising God for the cotton candy at the cross.

Above is the catalogue picture of the Rosary. I chose the light one from www.latinworksco.com. Jeanene Atkinson at www.RealLivePreacher.com has some beautiful pieces, but I’m not ready to commit when I may burn out in a few days. So I found the least expensive item and one that honors my Mexican grandmother and her ancestors.

This morning I tipped my hat to my Baptist DNA and prayed the alternative Rosary-like prayer using

• the Shema in place of the initial three Hail Marys,
• John 3.16-17 KJV in place of the 10 Hail Marys in each decade,
• verses from Romans 8 in place of Hail Holy Queen,
• the Aaronic blessing, and
• a Pauline doxology to close.

I followed the Sorrowful Mysteries as described on the Dominican website. (See Praying the Rosary 2.)

There’s nothing here to offend Protestants or Radical Reform descendants. And it passed by so fast, I couldn’t believe I was done.

The biggest problem was that my paper clips separate, so I twisted them with plyers.

John 3.16-17 KJV is as close to the Hal Mary as you can get, in terms of its emotional punch. And it’s virtually a prayer for the salvation of the world. I know grammatically, it’s not supplication but it doesn’t take much of a leap of faith to get from “that the world through him might be saved” to a plea for everyone’s salvation.

I also like sticking with scripture, although I list the Prayer of St. Francis as an alternative, and retained the Apostle’s Creed. OK classic Baptists say, “No creed but Christ,” but in these days of anything goes, I doubt if a good simple creed hurts anybody—as long as there’s no inquisitor around stabbing us with each jot or tittle.

Why not change elements from time to time? Micah 6.8 is such a powerful text. And I haven’t read the psalms closely for appropriate supplications, of which there must be many.

I’m going to keep saying the Catholic version as well. I’m finding that it’s getting under my skin. I can’t keep from thinking about it. This is beginner’s infatuation, I guess. But I remain convinced there’s no reason why Catholics have to be the only ones saying the Rosary.

Your thoughts are welcome.

If you Google Protestant or Anglican rosary, you’ll find many good historic efforts to make the Rosary acceptable to non-Catholics. I spent just a few hours and came up with this biblical version. The hymns from Revelation 4 and 5 also serve well. The Mysteries are a wonderful summary of Jesus’ life and teachings, especially the new Luminous Mysteries; I have suggested alternatives for the final two Glorious Mysteries, which deal with the Assumption and Coronation of Mary.

I do not mean any irreverence to the traditional Marian prayer. Personally, I’m going to stick with it for now. The Dominican site www.rosary-center.org  has a great summary with beautiful paintings to illustrate each step of the Marian version.

But this very simple process illustrates that we’re a lot closer to each than we think.

In Place of Hail Mary:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 3:16-17 (KJV)

OR

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit. A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (from Ps 51)

OR

What does the LORD require of us
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
     and to walk humbly with our God? Micah 6:8 (NRSV)

In Place of Longer Prayers:

The Prayer of St. Francis OR  23^rd Psalm  OR

When we cry “Abba! Father!” the Spirit bears witness that we are children of God. The Spirit intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom 8.)

OR                                                                                                                    

 The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
     of whom shall I be afraid? …
One thing I asked of Thee, LORD,
     that will I seek after:
to live in the house of the LORD
     all the days of my life,
to behold thy beauty, LORD,
     and to inquire in thy temple. …
not cast me off, do not forsake me,
     O God of my salvation! …
If my father and mother forsake me,
     do thou, LORD, will take me up.
Teach me thy way, O LORD,
     and lead me on a level path … from Psalms 27:1-14 (NRSV)

According to the riches of his glory, may God grant that we be strengthened in our inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ dwell in our hearts through faith, as we are being rooted and grounded in love. May we have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that we may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. from Eph 3:16-21 (NRSV)

May the same mind be in us that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God,
     did not regard equality with God
     as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself,
     taking the form of a slave,
     being born in human likeness.
And being found in human form,
he humbled himself
     and became obedient to the point of death–
     even death on a cross.
Therefore God also highly exalted him
     and gave him the name
     that is above every name,
so that at the name of Jesus
    our knee and every knee should bend,
     in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and our tongue and every tongue confess
     that Jesus Christ is Lord,
     to the glory of God the Father. from Phil 2:5-11 (NRSV)

May we be filled with the knowledge of God’s will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that we may lead lives worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, as we bear fruit in every good work and as we grow in the knowledge of God. May we be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may we be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled we to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light.  from Col 1:9-12 (NRSV)

Some of my friends and colleagues in ministry will be sure I’ve gone off the deep end! Though I doubt many will notice, fewer will care.

I said my first Rosary today.

Yesterday I ordered from San Antonio a Mexican Rosary, simple wood beads. By the time I paid shipping it was $20.00. Mexican, in honor of my grandmother Dolores Mercado and aunt Margaret Dickson.

I found several sites where you can make your own Rosary. That strikes me as totally cool. I can imagine, if this impulse lasts, that I’ll make a Rosary and put into it all the devotion and love I can. I don’t have any desire for one of the expensive, jeweled pieces of which there are many.

First, what was it like?

I hooked ten paper clips together and added five loose ones, one for each decade. Following a chart, I recited the prayers, and announced the Joyful mysteries, milestones in Jesus’ early life. You’re supposed to focus on these, rather than the words you’re saying. But I did well enough to say the right words in the right order.

I’m amazed the paper clip chain worked fine. I hope to know how to say the Rosary by heart when my Mexican Rosary comes in the mail.

It was a very mechanical process: how to hold the paper clip so I didn’t get mixed up as to which one I was counting, which prayer to say, etc. There are some differences in how different Catholics say their Rosary. I just want the standard version.

I was surprised at the welcome and peace I felt. I instantly understood why Catholics hang on to the veneration of Mary. There is a softness, a sweetness, about her that deeply blesses.

Whoa! You’re a Baptist, a son of the Radical Reformation, not even a protestant. And you’re saying prayers to the BVM Blessed Virgin Mary???

Frankly, I’m intentionally not thinking theologically at the moment, turning off the analytical mind and welcoming God as Catholics do. The Feminine of God my tradition has totally ignored and shut down; I’m interested in exploring Her (whatever).

It’s also time for the walls between our traditions to come down, for us to welcome one another to one table, where one Lord presides.

Interesting nuggets:

• an Old English word for prayer is “bede” related to “bid.” So the beads of the Rosary themselves remind us of prayer.
• the Rosary was probably the response of the poor to the monks’ weekly recitation of the 150 psalms in Latin. The poor didn’t know Latin, so they substituted 150 repetitions of the prayer they knew: “Hail Mary…”

This kind of prayer helps to quiet the “monkey tree,” the mind that chatters right through times of silence. I’m hoping to learn a lot about prayer.

If future experiences with the Rosary turn out to be as helpful as my first, it will become a permanent part of my prayer life.

I welcome hearing about any experience you have with saying the Rosary, or other prayers.