I-YOUniverse

Saturday, March 29, 4:44 PM

A friend did a real live retreat at Richmond Hill, an urban retreat center, last week.: since my wife was going to a conference Wednesday through Saturday, I thought, being the spiritual superhero that I am, and humble, why not do one at home? So I made up some rules (what’s a retreat without rules?):

• Evening, morning and noon, read lectionary scriptures and pray
• OK to write
• Limited computer stuff
• NO TV, radio, Shakespeare CDs or recreational reading
• NO talking except when absolutely necessary
• Light eating

Right out of the chute, I got into this snit about how many Oreos dance on the head of a pin. Of course, this tipped me off to where I could start. But I didn’t want to spend the whole 72 hours salivating over  Oreos. So, I decided: three a day-they’re low fat.. Hair shirt, bad; low fat Oreos, good.

Only later I noticed that I began by asking, how little can I get by with?

Three days, Easter week. My brilliant theological mind drew parallels between Good Friday to Easter and my three days alone with God.

Here’s some snippets from my journal:

Wednesday, March 26

5:43 PM. First thing that hits is pain, 5 on 10 scale. The gateway theory says the brain can process only so many stimuli. If I don’t have stimuli, pain roars in.

8:13 PM.  After resting pain’s down to 2.  It’s dark now, only two dim lights on in the house.  If Sandy were home, there’d be light, music and conversation.

Thursday, March 27

At night awake I did a bit of web searching on Just War theory. How can we say our response to the threat in Iraq is proportional? Winnable? Has support of American public and international allies? EB says just war derived from Roman law and medieval theology.  If so, does it even apply to a world of WMD?

5:36 AM Awake. Coffee. Bible  study at 7 a.m. So Spirit-filled! We talked about our lives, also how ending the system of animal sacrifice signaled a change, now we are to care for animals and the environment. I thought about free trade coffee. Found this site (don’t know anything about it) http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/coffee/

1:05 PM. Posted PowerPoint presentation for AAPC conference about partnership between Virginia Institute of Pastoral Care and African Counseling Center-it went very well. UM Bishop Huie’s husband is at the conference. Sandy and Mary Fran, a colleague, will meet him.

Friday, March 28

 12:16 AM - Can’t sleep, raided fridge for green beans, whole wheat bagel, Easter cake. The spiritual silence, emptiness is palpable, scary. About 30 hours into this self-imposed retreat, I hear the ticking of the clock, the traffic on the main artery several blocks away. The classic music cable feed helps block the pain that clamor for self-pity at night.

3:18 AM We have no water! Water main break, nobody has water.

5:50 AM Water still out. I have three bottles of drinking water in the fridge, and several cartons of peach Fresca. So I’m good. Also a sink full of dishes I left, assuming there’s always water. Yeah, right. How fragile my way of lifeow fragile life is.H is. A water main breaks. Imagine if they can’t fix it, and we had to buy water, or if we couldn’t get water!

Used half a bottle to make my morning cup of coffee. Still dark outside. Time for devotions which I do online at http://satucket.com/lectionary/ . They present at AAPC this morning 10:00-11:30.

Sandy reports in conference went very well. Houston UM Bishop Huie’s husband is at the conference, VIPCare staffers hope to meet him,

6:47 PM - completed 48 of 72 hours. OK, frustrated that I can’t make the style uniform on my post. Pain level typically high at this time of evening, so I gotta stop for now.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

11:16 AM 7 hours to go, and my three day retreat will be over. Gotta admit, this hasn’t been that much of a thrill ride. Some moments I felt God’s presence, like when I wrote the post Free Hula Lessons, but mostly I’ve just hung around waiting for it to be over. I’ve kept the three times of prayer each day. I’ve eaten pretty wisely, with one lapse, and a grand total of three Oreos.

6:14 PM DING! Retreat’s done.

So what did I learn?

Spiritual life is often boring. I want to build wigwams on top of the Mount of Transfiguration. But Moses spent 40 parched years herding stupid sheep in the Sinai desert before he got the first glimmer of a burning bush.

I can’t speak for you, but I do self-deception well. Yeah, I want a deep relationship with God as long as it doesn’t eat into my cookie allotment.

Joy? It’s when I’m not on retreat. Sitting with friends doing Bible study. Talking to my sweetheart on the telephone. Remember what that was like, when you were a teen-ager and you only got to see her twice a week at church?

And, watching my cat circus. I’ve trained them by offering Whiskas treats. So now, when they heard me take my six o’clock meds, they came running for their pills. What a trip!

As for the burning question that ignited the first moments of my retreat-how many Oreos can dance on the head of a pin? The angel from RealLivePreacher stopped by on its way back to Gloryland and gave me the answer:

None. Oreos can’t dance.