This Thanksgiving families I greatly admire are facing life at its toughest.
What could help?
For one prominent family, hundreds of people want something to do.
Thanks be to God, at the moment my family has chronic concerns, but nothing acute. But I remember sleepless hours, the clean smell of hospital rooms, bad coffee in styrofoam cups. I remember the squeaky wheels of the gurney taking my whole world down a long corridor to the surgery suite. I remember the still small voice, “Will she ever come back?”
When hard times come, my family found it a heavy burden to answer telephone calls, asked again and again and again to share details of the hospitalized one’s health status.
And families need privacy as well. My guess is, they also want as normal a Thanksgiving as they can manage.
Sometimes, when you want to help, especially in cases like these, less is more: a few heartfelt, carefully chosen words on a card that requires no reply. It says, “We care and we’ll let you be.”
A wise book of faith makes a good gift. Barbara Brown Taylor in her book God in Pain reflects on biblical passages about human suffering and sees God as One who suffers. Christ shares our “sorrows and is acquainted with grief.”
Lots of words, however, at this time won’t help. In fact, they might do damage. Job told his friends:
If you would only keep silent,
that would be your wisdom!
Job 13.5
Nothing smacks you down like disease.
First, it drains you. Each footprint can become a Magnum Opus.
Then, you cling to the little things you took for granted. Maybe you bargain with God, or play a few rounds of “If only….”
You can’t help wondering “Why?”
And you come face to face with the damn truth: nobody knows why.
I’ve begun looking, instead, at practical ways people can respond to suffering:
- Practical kindness
- Generosity
- Long-suffering
- Witness
- No holds barred prayer
I’ve grown to dislike “Let me know if there’s anything I can do…” Sure, people mean well. But it puts the monkey on your back to ask. Sometimes, when you have many needs, you hate having to ask one more time. How welcome is that someone who takes thoughtful initiative to offer this or that specific, and makes it clear that it’s okay to say no.
I believe one day my dear friends will look back on this season with Thanksgiving, and they will be able to say, as have saints through the ages, as Sandy, Jim and I can say: “Jesus led me all the way.”
You know who you are. You’re in my heart today.
Photo by Mary Fran