screensaver

3:15 a.m.
the clocks tick a duet in the silence
after i pause the M*A*S*H dvd that plays
to distract me from the cool hot jazz
the pain quintet is jamming in my bones.
in the bedroom down the hall behind the door
that serves as a sanitary barrier
i think of Sandy dialyzing in uneasy sleep.

i squint at the white computer screen,
lay down a pale blue background
easy on the eyes.
my friend’s cancer has come back.
his cancer has come back.
to get reports
i sign up for facebook.
my inbox fills up with messages from friends
confirming me a friend.

two years ago before Jerry May died
(i didn’t know)
he said Taoist-like: anymore
in his individual life
he couldn’t tell for sure
a good thing from a bad thing.
cancer brought him closer to God
and to his family.
the chemo that did away
with his cancer damaged his heart.
so, waiting for a transplant,
he wrote about the dark night,
a gentle time when lovers meet.
he couldn’t tell for sure
a good thing from a bad thing
anymore.

Dietrich the nazis strangled with a wire
for spoking the third reich wheel
april 9. may 8 germany surrendered.
now, Dietrich, can you tell a good thing
from a bad thing?
now are there no bad things?
at golgotha God spoked death.

Taoists say anymore
they can’t tell a bad thing
from a good thing.
I can, still.

like a billiardball a greenball my tv screensaver
bounces off the edges of the screen.
the clocks keep ticking their duet.
God, if only you could save life
as easily as a tv screen.
4:25 a.m.