Notes from my journal

Good News!

Honest to God, a company that holds a chunk of my retirement savings called this week to inform me that I am not dead. They used my Social Security number by mistake for some claim. The official said I may be inconvenienced, but they are working to correct the error. Does that mean I will be dead soon? They said, just ignore any mail I may receive to the contrary. How do you write to the dead?

Journal: random thoughts about spiritual deepening

I’ve always wanted to be a monk. Something about living your whole life around the rhythm of prayer appeals to me. But in college I met the woman with whom I am one soul, and (not having the physical stamina to be a missionary) I went into the pastorate, often the equivalent of the hair shirt.

Now 30 years later I find myself at home alone most of the time, and physical constraints again limit what I can do. So I read, and the old hunger to live a life of prayer is back.

Reading Mother Julian slowly

One discipline I’ve undertaken is to read slowly, often aloud. Lectio divina? Maybe.

It’s not how I was taught to read. I took a rapid reading course at the beginning of my academic life, and I still often gut a book in an hour or two.

But you can’t get the most spiritually out of reading that way. That rapid reading skims the ideas off the surface. Slow reading sinks deep into the thought and experience of the writer.

The only problem is, it takes such a helluva long time. I’ve been reading Mother Julian (as C.F. Andrews calls her) for months!

I found this extraordinary prayer:

God, of your goodness, give me yourself, for you are enough for me, and I can ask for nothing which is less which can pay you full worship. And if I ask anything which is less, always I am in want; but only in you do I have everything.

Julian of Norwich. Showings. Classics of Western Spirituality.  (Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 1978), p. 184.

If anyone thinks this is just anti-body masochistic spirituality, they should read her amazingly tender account of how the body eliminates waste in  the love of God! (p. 186)

Praying Celtic Daily Prayer

At the suggestion of Scot McKnight, Jesus Creed, I’ve made the commitment to praying the daily office. Celtic Daily Prayer looks good, and I had a discount coupon, so I got the book. I know it’s online, but I like the feel of a good book in my hands. Nothing can replace that.

The only spiritual discipline that’s stuck for years is reading the psalm and gospel of the Daily Lectionary, BCP. I find the psalms begin to sink into my subconscious. So I always read them for devotion from the KJV or NRSV.

I’ll keep you posted how it goes.

Collective practice

I love the Collect form. The article “Collective wisdom” by John D. Witvliet in Christian Century 7-29-2008 reminded me of the basics. So I’ve been writing them, like haiku. It’s a great way to center prayer more on God than on self.

I’ve been dealing with anxious thoughts about getting older. This prayer caused the anxiety to dissipate and me to grin:

Loving God, you teach us to cast all our cares on you. Grant that we so trust you that anxiety will prompt us to pray without ceasing, love without limit, and wait without whining. In Jesus’ name. Amen