Holy Heirarchy

My childhood church had a holy heirarchy (lowest to highest):

Sinners

• lowest were those who committed the Unpardonable Sin (somewhat vague in nature). I got the notion in my young head that these guys were queers (whatever they were).
• The Pope, the Anti-Christ (hard to tell which was which)
• Madeleine Murray O’Hare, who was perpetually petitioning the FCC about something
• godless materialistic communists
• drunkards
• Catholics
• then other sinners
• In the summer Christian ladies who wore short shorts always got a dishonorable mention. Connected to them in some spooky way were loose girls who got themselves in Trouble. This was never specified.

Among church goers

• lowest were 6th grade boys. The Nominating Committee could never find or keep a teacher for them.
• Negroes and Mexicans who knew their place, weren’t uppity
• Methodists, who were low on the list because they preached the social gospel. You could go there all your life and never learn the Plan of Salvation and how to be saved.
• seminary professors. These took discernment; they could be infidel intellectuals who disbelieved the Virgin Birth, and read from the Revised Standard Version.
• backsliders
• About here you’d find the folk who white-knuckled the pew in front of them to keep from walking the aisle, even after you’d sung the invitation hymn twice through. You discovered who these people were by peeking when the preacher signaled the choir director to go into the second invitation hymn, “Almost Persuaded.”
• lukewarm believers

The next group included most of the saints

•  godly grandmothers and saintly mothers (pretty much always kneeling in prayer)
• then your soul winners
• next, your prayer warriors
• then you had deacons. But they were kinda hard to classify because every so often them and the preacher got into a knock down drag out with each other. Of course, the preacher always won or got run out of town.

Climbing the ranks of righteousness, you’d find

• boys who’d surrendered to the ministry. Preachers loved to recall their struggle, especially if it was long and bloody. Here’s where weeping mothers kneeling in prayer, and in the most exciting cases alcohol and backsliding, often came in.
• beloved former pastors who did everything right, and refused to take salary increases. These were the deacons’ favorite.
• current pastors. Again, this category was confusing, because in theory preachers were men o’ God, but in practice they caused right many first class dust ups, the best of which required kids to be sent from the room.

The nosebleed section of sanctity included

• missionaries
• medical missionaries. The great thing about these guys is that they were only around once or twice a year. If possble you had one to display during the Lottie Moon Offering season (otherwise known as Christmas shopping days).
• Martyrs
• Billy Graham

This system comes in mighty handy for those who want to avoid their sins. You always have a scapegoat: gay or drunk or Catholic or ladies who wear short shorts, and almost always a goal that’s out of reach: medical missionary or the next Billy Graham. So at both ends you’re off the hook.

The problem is, it doesn’t match up with what the Bible says, that we’re all sinners, none is righteous, no not one.

And, while it helps us avoid our sin, it also causes us to avoid our Savior. In his sight there is no heirarchy. Only people he loves and righteousness he freely gives.